let it roll right off your shoulders

as this school year is coming to a close, i can't help but to think what a crazy ride i've had. from the intensity that was orientation week and the start of new classes, to the end that is soon coming. i couldn't WAIT to come to chapman, live in the dorms, and really EXPERIENCE independence and college life. people at my school soon morphed into one being- a snobby, superficial rich b*tch who i couldn't wait to escape from at my REAL house- where i felt i actually belonged. i made a few friends along the way, but never felt i was a part of anything, except room 128. so instead, i kept busy. work, internship, exercising almost every day, tv shows, and a few people i hung out with almost daily- it was interesting and challenging, but definitely not the college life i had craved. then spring came. a chance for a fresh(er) start than fall was- to make friends, CREATE opportunities for myself, and to try to make the most out of my last semester in school. i joined a sorority, finished my first internship, and put myself out there- literally. i've had some weird moments where i felt alone in a room full of "sisters," and where i was exhausted to the point of tears- going from class to work to sorority event to doing homework, and wondering if it's worth it. this awkward transition between the past and present- the past of oxford, oxford friends and events and oxford hangouts- and the future- phi sigs, chapman university, real life- is really scary. good talks with shanell, who i am ecstatic to have at just a text message away again-we talked about what friends are up to- some are up to more than others- and what we wanted for ourselves. we agreed that not putting all of your eggs in one basket is the right way to go, and a bunch of groups of friends is good for personal growth- and helps avoid getting sick of the people that mean the most to you. and that even though college is hard, keeping all of your eggs in the basket of the past doesn't really help much- and leaving an empty nest isn't the greatest thing to do either- it's all about moderation. trying new things is scary- but i keep thinking back- oxford was so scary at first, and i wanted to move to brookhurst jr. high with my best friend, but things changed, and i grew to adore oxford. with time, things will change at chapman, as long as i make the effort to get involved and i TRY, basically. it shall be a challenge next year to keep up this involvement with living at home, but i'm definitely putting the effort in :) and the separation between school & home will definitely help with the lonely blues- there's always an escape. :)

let's face it- for me in particular, making new friends is AWKWARD. not knowing what to say, if they'll appreciate my humor, if i like their company more than they like mine- i've had more awkward encounters with people this past year with my new job at disneyland and being at a new school than i have in my entire LIFE, and it is quite exhausting after a while. but then i think about oxford. i made not just friends there, but family members, and bridesmaids. this saturday, i'm doing the makeup for that little 6th grader who i met while i was in 9th grade- who is now going going to her first PROM. friendships like that don't just spring up out of the ground- it takes a LONG TIME, and i think i just need to be patient.

i just need a little bit of faith, trust, & pixie dust.